If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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