Your face is a jimmy john
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
