mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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