Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
