Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
