i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
