those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
