420 ftw
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
