You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
