Can Purell be used as lube?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
