what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
