the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
