if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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