You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
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