No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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