Just took my morning after pill in the library
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
