I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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