I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
