she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Houston, we have a squirter
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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