Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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