just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
