I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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