If i come over, it means nothing
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The police scanner is talking about you again....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
