I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize