Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
