Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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