I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
