i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
