The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
