They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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