Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
