oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
