i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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