i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
