So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize