the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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