Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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