Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
