Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
