i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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