none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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