You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
