if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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