I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Randomize
