im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
