Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
