peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
