There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
