So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
