"it" just moved
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
