I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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