you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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