Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The beer is more important than you right now.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
