I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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