1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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