I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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