Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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