Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
