I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
