I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
