Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
