it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
