There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize