I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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