Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
