Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize