Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
