She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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