I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize