nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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