Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
