i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
