yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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