why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
