How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
